anyway.. tonight was the first night i slept alone in what felt like quite awhile. woke up to this thought i cant seem to rid of all day n i suddenly realize that there's a part of me missing somewhere out there. this part of me that ive been lacking for awhile.. is the 'connection'.
have i suddenly disconnected myself? on purpose???
heading back to bed. hopefully will wake up w/ either better dreams.. or w/ no dreams at all.
we cant have it all can we? but why does it feel as though i once did.. jus never really learned how to hold onto it?
we all have choices n decisions to make.. but do we make those that make us happy? or jus enough to get by?
so much has changed.. some for the better.. some not. but @ the same time.. i feel as tho i've turned into the person i once was years back. insecure.. uncertain.. angry. its as tho i went back in time.. cept w/ different ppl in my lives.
just when i thought i've put an end to the cycle.. i find myself back where i once started.. lost.
hope everyone's taking care!
i hope all is well...
i did fine before.. but now its gotten to the point where.. i dont know where im @ w/ this relationship. i can hang w/ ur friends but u cant hang w/ mine/feel comfortable w/ mine? its one thing if im out w/ jus the girls or we're going clubbing/drinking or something.. but im @ a wedding.. a coupley event. n when they're seating us @ a couples table.. it is like hell. if they were seating me w/ jus merely friends who dont have dates.. thats a different story. makes me feel like shit when the others are w/ their dates of only few months n asks me.. oh.. how come you didnt bring your bf. its not that i didnt bring him.. he didnt want to go. n i cant force him to..
perhaps i bring it upon myself...